Jun 27 2008
How to Silence Children!
Actually, this is more about bedtime than anything else, but silence at bedtime is important for all parents, and adults who are trying to manage children. In fact, it is even good for people in general. My childhood bedtime memories are nostalgic and somehow tend to gloss over the chaos that was trying to get four children dressed at the same time, and into their beds without too much bloodshed. On the other hand, all my more recent memories of putting children to bed myself are full of blood feuds over who gets what blanket and chasing naked toddlers down the hall. So where is that happy sleeping time I remember?
Why is there all that screaming and why the tears? Why does it take them two hours to even settle down? Am I doing something wrong, or are all kids this evil and unmanageable? Was my family some freak of nature? If I managed to have happy, peaceful bedtimes with my brothers tucked in around me, why will these children not settle down? I remember happily settling in and closing my eyes, picturing some beautiful thing I wanted to dream about before drifting off to sleep. Was I drugged?
As it turns out, that blissful bedtime is not easy to achieve, but not impossible! Unfortunately all the hard work starts during the day. The first thing that must happen is the children must be exercised to the bone. Which usually means the adults will also feel the burn. Take the children to the park, the zoo, any outdoor space where they can safely round around until they drop. Most experienced parents I know have a selection of staples to choose from, and several good books to read while they watch. And always bring a snack! Children are forever ravenous, and will take to eating grass if they think it might be good.
The next key actually is food. Present your child with a hearty dinner, including milk, or a milk-like substitute, such as soymilk or lactaid. Cut back on other drinks before bedtime, however, to avoid nighttime interruptions. Never give a child any food that might give them gas before bedtime, such as beans or spicy foods. Try to fill them up, but not stuff them. If your child rejects the food in front of them, a good compromise can be another food they don’t often reject, such as bread and butter or toast. Alternative drinking choices can be tea, hot chocolate, or plain water. There are other things that can prevent children from getting to sleep besides an empty or upste stomach. When kids are sick, they often sleep all day and are restless at night. If they have allergies, giving them a teaspoon of antihistamine (as approved by your doctor) before bed does not hurt, either. And if they have an owie, a bruise or cut, some children’s tylenol will be just fine. Some parents also use placebos, like calcium carbonate (TUMS), to settle children in the night. Do not let your child watch television or read a lot before bedtime, as mental stimulation keeps children awake. White noise such as the dishwasher or a rain/storm CD are very effective.
Also, pick your time wisely! A child who goes to sleep at seven will be up again at seven, but a child who goes to sleep at ten is hard to rouse for school. Consider when you want time to yourself, and whether you can handle having them awaken before you. If you like having the evening hours to yourself, and do not mind a little messing around in the morning, send them to bed by seven. If you want to cook breakfast uninterrupted or read the morning paper before it has been helpfully colored on, send them to bed at ten and be prepared to pry them from under the covers on school days. Different times for weekend nights are acceptable, so long as they do not vary much from the original time. An hour is generally enough.
And then there is the routine. On good nights in my childhood, we each got our own lullaby before bed. Where I live now, bedtime books are a treat. A bath is generally taken in the evening before climbing under the covers, and medicine is administered at that time also. So our plan goes something like this: dinner, bath and medicine, dressing in pjs, brushing teeth, a book if earned, and then bed. Of course, the routine parts can be changed around, and sometimes one child is behind or ahead of schedule. As long as the final goal is achieved, I feel pretty good about the night, and the children tend to sleep well. A good routine is one that is soothing, and eases towards bedtime. Cut off the rampaging about an hour before bedtime, and turn off the television too.
So what about staying in bed? Some children like to roam the halls at 3am, and some don’t want to sleep in their own bed more than a few hours. The key here is to start them in their own bed, and to return them there any time you find them playing truant. The house rule tends to follow these lines: If you are not using the potty, and you are not in danger, then you should be in your bed. Of course, danger is well-defined, because “brother is going to hit me” is not justifiable danger. If brother is hitting you, you likely deserve it young man. It may help the first few times you introduce your new bedtime arrangements to walk through every step with your child. Also, many kids feel comforted by an adult presence as they fall asleep. When they get their big sleepy eyes, slip away and go back to your own routine. Remember also that rewards help spur good behavior. Try to stick to non-edibles, such as a sticker or temporary tattoo to be given in the morning. If your child is old enough, a sticker chart may be more appropriate and allow them more freedom of choice.Always stick to your routine as closely as possible. Always tell your children in advance what the next steps are going to be. Tell them what will be happening in the morning. Tell them who will be there, and what they need to be ready for. Even a toddler appreciates this news. Just like we like advance warning about when that project is due, children like to know what we want from them. They may not agree, or even obey, but knowing will save you a temper tantrum eight times out of ten.
Eventually, in a few months, they will settle in, snuggle down with minimal fuss, and go to sleep. There will always be bad days and bad nights, but they will be fewer. Yes, I did say a few months. However, a few months is a small amount of time, compared to all the sleep you would lose if they did not settle in. Best of all, there will come a time when they will not need you to tell them their every next move, and they will insist, INSIST, on doing it themselves. Now that will be a good night!
And even if you have no children to put to bed, following these rules for yourself is equally rewarding. And they are generally the first things your doctor will recommend if you tell them you are having sleep troubles. When I use this routine I sleep better. But like most people who have good advice, I tend to dink about on my computer until 2am and then fall into an exhausted sleep. My bad.
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.
Not A Member? Register for Free!
