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It is from the parent first and foremost that any child begins their learning. Instead of blaming video games and television, move in and assert your authority and knowledge. Talk to your child about what they have seen, what they are reading, what they are playing. Do NOT try to be cool- because whenever a parent does that, somewhere a child cries themselves to sleep. Just be yourself. Talk about how they feel, and let them know that when they are scared, or upset, by what they see, they have the power to turn off the television, close the book, and quit the game.

The government at large apparently believes that if it censors everything, you as the parent, do not have to. Since they have tried and failed to impress this upon most people, do not let yourself be swayed. Their various methods of censorship have no place in your child’s life without you there also. Some of their censors are also just plain laughable.

A channel block is only valid protection if your child does not know all your passwords. Also, the block says a few things to your child you may not want them to hear. Firstly it says, “I do not trust you.” Plain, simple, and often completely wrong. Second, a thoughtful child might hear, “I do not actually want to discuss with you why we even HAVE these channels, and therefore I am forbidding you to see them.” This is probably more true then most parents are comfortable with, and your child will not waste any time exploiting that weakness. Eventually you will have to cancel your cable to avoid speaking of it. Instead, sit down with your child and talk about these channels. Most children will agree to abide by your wishes, or will work a compromise with you.

Movie theatres do a good job, mostly, of keeping children out of inappropriate films. But be prepared to find that your child is upset by a G-rated film. Too much suspense is often over-whelming for someone too young to move past the next few minutes. Also, violence against animals and inanimate objects- however anthropomorphized- is often overlooked by censors where it should not be. Do not lock up those films, or throw them away, but make sure to watch them with your child the first time. Try not to leave your child alone with a film you know has upset them in the past, even if it means stopping the tape in the middle of a “really good part.” A lot of young children who do not flinch at horror films like “Dawn of the Dead,” or “Aliens” will have nightmares from watching “101 Dalmations.” So be careful, respectful, and talk it over. If your child simply cannot handle a film, do not offer to show it, and if they ask for it, explain your hesitation.

Again, a parental internet block, such as the one offered by AOL, is only valid if your child does not know your password. And many websites that should not be censored become so, and a few that should be by most parent’s standards are not. An interesting conundrum. Also, once your child has an instant messenger of any kind, they will be subjected to random sexual spammers, who sometimes offer links to adult websites. Instead of attempting to block all access, it may be better to keep tabs with your child (not ON, but with) as to who is on their friend’s list, and if anyone has made them uncomfortable recently. Knowing that they can go to you is very important for your children.

The ratings system on music is occasionally laughable. Most music stores do insist that people seeking music that is rated Mature provide proof of age. However, buying from a secondhand shop, the stickers are occasionally gone, or employees do not bother to check. A child can learn to exploit these weaknesses. Children can also obtain burned copies from friends without going through any official channel, or simply download the music from a file-sharing service. Again, keeping tabs with your child is more appropriate than any attempt to block access.

And believe it or not, the government has laid its grubby censoring paws on books too- with lesser success. The book Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain has been banished from many suggested reading lists simply because it has the “n” word in it. This banishment completely ignores the context of the word, or the things Huck learns about African Americans in the course of his journey, and ignores the value of the book itself. Other, trashier and poorly written books remain unscathed, in spite of their lack of value. Read the book for yourself, and then decide if it really deserved to be blacklisted. Let your child have a great deal of freedom in their choices- but do watch out for trashy romance novels that might give your child a false impression of what love and sex are about. While boys are less likely to be tempted into reading them, young girls should be talked to about the content of the books when caught reading them, and given a more realistic vision of romance. And make it very clear to both genders that no really always means no- since many books intended for adults seem to skip that.

Finally, we come to video games. Often blamed for violence without any correlation, video gamers are finally speaking out to the government. They are circulating a petition to tell the government not to spend tax dollars on regulations, when they could spend less of them to educate parents about the ratings system. Yes, Grand Theft Auto, Resident Evil, and even Pokemon games can be considered ridiculously bereft of moral standards. However, as the parent, you should be aware of what your child is playing and the moral standards the game has. Talk with your child, and be ready to let them play games you are uncertain of. There can be limits. You can say no to Grand Theft Auto or similar games, and tell your child you find the game offensive. They will likely come to understand. Learn the rating system, and teach it to your child as a guideline- not by any means the be all and end all of what you will allow, but a good basic rule.

Obviously, instead of simply laying down the law, as a parent you have to be ready to compromise. The more often you tell your child no without explanation, the more likely they will try to get around your rules. Talking to your child about everything is important, even you or your child, or both of you are made uncomfortable. A child who respects you will tend to obey the standards you have set, and approach you about making changes for themselves. Be ready to turn over the reigns in places where it is appropriate, and make it clear that you are always willing to listen. And do listen when they want to make a change. Ask why, give advice, offer to watch or play with them, and be quiet about your side until they have finished.

Your children do deserve protection, but they also deserve freedom. Give responsibilities when appropriate, and always be willing to listen to your children’s feelings. Be open about your own experiences, and encourage them to share their own. Do not push, but repeat that you are ready to listen. Remember that when your child needs or wants to talk, you must set aside everything else and give your full attention. Being respectful of your child teaches them to be respectful of others. Do not hesitate to put your foot down about inappropriate behavior, but do not be quick to blame outside materials. Often the bad behaviors your child is exhibiting come from other people, including yourself. Try to express the reasons for what you do, even if you do not think your child would understand. This shows a trust that all children appreciate.